I allowed myself to reach burnout. With an appointment coming up next week I can't help but think why do I do this to myself? What triggered the need to take care of everyone surrounding me and neglect my well-being? Sitting with Dr. Dhami, she had urged me to start taking better care of myself and to establish boundaries not just within myself but, with my friends - I'm not in a mentally well state to help you right now. This still triggers a sense of guilt. It's easy to advise friends to put themselves first and that they matter but, something about taking care of ourselves becomes off-putting, a second thought, left on the back burner, or whathaveyou. I've reconnected with an old friend who has even stated that I went from self-importance to extreme selflessness. Everyone needs someone to listen to their woes, a shoulder to cry on, or simply someone to just exist with. Surely with time, it will become clear why there's this need to mother everyone but, until then I'm burning myself out and struggling to give myself the care I deserve.
Besides giving my free time to take care of my friends, I've been indulging in the Depp V Heard trial. For those unaware, this is a defamation trial for Depp to prove that Heard did ruin his career through the op-ed she wrote in 2018, while Heard is fighting for her First Amendment right. So far, we have heard from Depp's sister as they established his background, witnesses such as friends and employees of Depp, along with Dr. Shannon Curry, forensic psychologist, who shared in court her diagnosis of Ms. Heard - Borderline Personality and Cluster B Histrionic Disorder. Up unto this point, everything has appeared to be working in Johnny Depp's favor, as witness testimony and audio recordings have proven that he is a victim of abuse by Amber Heard.
This past week Amber Heard finally took to the stand and, as her lawyer stated she would, has given us the performance of her life. Heard has been able to recall countless details, down to noticing the dirt on the carpet below her as she stared at it, unsure of what just happened. The details become so graphic in nature but, it's not her recollection that makes it hard to listen to. From the moment she began speaking, it has felt as though we are watching an audition tape from an amateur performer. Many people have claimed that they had to take breaks watching the trial as her retelling through fake tears and forced facial expressions became grating to endure. Evidence that her team has pulled up once looked closely enough, tells a different story than the "scenes" Heard has shared. The holes are endless as she struggles to remember what she has said and changes her story on the spot, and many of us, myself included, look forward to the cross-examination which is to take place on May 18, 2022.
Now, what has me pulled in is, that while this is a defamation case, if Depp were to win, I personally feel this could be a huge step to help people realize that we need to listen to Men's voices as well. Abuse and rape can happen to anyone but, we focus so much on women and allow toxic masculinity to belittle men and silence their voices! This case has thousands speaking up, Men can be abused and sexually assaulted as well. Men have been and deserve to be heard! Once this case ends, we cannot stop talking about it. It's an uncomfortable subject, of course! But, it's a topic that needs to be shared and listened to. I'm going to continue following this case closely, and as soon as they are done cross-examining Amber Heard, you can bet that I will have so much to say on the matter. Y'all lies catch up real fast, and hers are right at the door pouring over.
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