"Ayo" and "Bro" had to have been the main two words I used the first night I streamed last week. That is until my technical difficulties plagued OBS beyond relief, dropping down to a beautiful 16 fps. While I had planned to stream the next two nights, I was instead taking the time to fix and update my computer, which, I'm afraid to say I've neglected for quite a while. My computer's RAM is 3000mhz, and while in Task Manager it should have been running at 1500mhz, it was running at a low 1070mhz. Not only this, Windows had been undoing all updates each time I would try to update my computer, and without the needed external hard drive, I had taken the time to delete any and all files/games I had no use for. So, to anyone who knows me, tech literally flies over my head so, if I'm talking about all of this in a nonsensical way, I do apologize. This had been a learning experience! Going into BIOS to restore settings, updating NVIDIA, finding out I need to actually go into my computer and give it a good cleaning! After everything, I should be able to stream tonight as intended around 9 PM PDT instead of 10 PM.
Other than streaming and getting back into the flow of working on 3D rigging, I'm afraid there hasn't been too much on this mind of mine. Now, that's not to so say there hasn't been anything. My mind races with 1000 thoughts per minute, taking each opportunity it has to fantasize about scenarios that are to never be. Is it really a wonder why I would want to write with such a fantastical mind? "Dear Gentle Reader," There are many things I wish I had known about myself and had been willing to face a few years ago. If I had been more caring of others and myself then as I am now, things may have played out differently. Now while it's not wise to dwell on the past, we should take the opportunity to learn from it. Against all advice given, I've taken the time to reach out. I'm not a saint, no one is. The mistakes I've made were great and I would never hold it against anyone for not wanting to hear from me. There are people I would be wary to hear from myself. In this case, it felt wrong not to extend what I have. At the minimum, is an apology not deserved? That's hard for people, I believe, wanting to apologize but, they long for that acceptance as well. Would that be closure on the guilty party's behalf? Even if we've done nothing wrong, we learn to accept that we may not always receive closure. It's up to us to forgive (whether them or ourselves) and move forward in life. Yes, this person has been on my mind quite a bit as of late - he's part of the 1000 thoughts that race through my head.
Life is messy. That's honestly the extent of that thought. There had been more to it, going into that as long as we make the most of life to enjoy that it's worth being in. It's easy to want to hold on to the good but, it's the messy bits that help shape our views and help push us forth to grow. Without those messy parts of life, we wouldn't be who are today. If life were all good, when would we learn? We'd be encapsulated in a bubble, never knowing, never learning. Without failure, there would not be a success.
There's many a thought in this head of mine. Going from relationships, to work, stream, random animal facts, and more. I've thought about plenty of societal plights and conservation tactics that other countries have implemented in order to do less harm to our environment that we here in the states could learn from and perhaps take after. These are topics that we can take on at a later date. For now, may you all take care and stay hydrated!
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