This week has been tough. It started with a bright outlook - I'm dancing again! Okay, I'm not about to take on the stage or perform in front of people but, it has felt incredible to feel my body move taking on pirouettes again. Runners high? Yeah, that's the rush I feel after each session. Life feels full - from rediscovering hobbies, hanging out with friends, to simply living. In the back of my mind though, between the soreness, I can still feel my back giving out. We haven't talked about health here, as it's something I ended up putting off out of fear. In 2020 I found out I have disc degeneration - one disc was already gone and another was wearing down to nothing. While the doctors were able to provide me with a steroid injection (epidural), it barely lasted a year. Once it wore off I found myself unable to walk. Can you imagine? Waking up one day unable to move, yet being so absolutely stubborn that you're crawling around trying all you can to walk again. I wish I could say I was exaggerating yet, I can't get myself to explain the pain I was in. While I wasn't able to get the same injection as before, I received another that has been helping just as much with pain management - I'm walking. At first, feeling this pain feels debilitating and it took me too long to be thankful that, even if it's with assistance, I can still move around. So, I'm dancing again. Disc Degeneration at Stage 4 has the possibility of paralysis when left untreated and I understand that I should see a doctor soon.
As the week progressed, through the challenges I face from my own body, I enter the weekend with hard news. Now, while I won't go into details as they are not mine to say, death has a way to bring out every fear, every memory, every desire you have for life and to take those chances because how long do we truly have here? Personally, I spent my entire Thursday in bed between mourning and sleeping.
I can't quite get myself to add any more to this. I'd like to share my adventures in Blender and Unity - creating 3D avatars and my, so far, failed attempt to animate them! The textures just won't translate and I'm sure it's something small, yet obvious, I'm missing. Another day we'll explore that topic! For now, I'm going to continue to wait by the phone for more news of what to expect and when I can go help. During times like these, words don't really help much I find. For others maybe but, for myself and them, just being there even in silence helps more than anyone can know.
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